Deflated and Defeated

Since my last post on my blog I’ve had a chance to visit my sister in San Francisco. My next entry was going to about that trip but another change in our adoption process warrants a subject change.

My husband and I just got the news on Friday that our travel to Kostanai is being pushed back until late August. Talk about a heartbreak! My emotions are deflated and I truly feel defeated!

As you may or may not know from reading previous entries, we were assigned to this region at the end of February and were told (supposedly by officials in Kazakhstan) that we should prepare to travel by around March 24th. Once reaching that date we were told to hold off until the first or second week of April. Upon the arrival of April, the second week of May was then given as our new date. As of Friday, April 25th, our agency’s contact in Kaz said that we shouldn’t expect to get our LOI until August.

I’m sure you can understand the heartache attached with this news. Supposedly, they (Kaz) were not aware that they had so many people assigned to Kostanai and the Delphin Baby House and that it is “just not our turn”. I wish they had figured this out BEFORE they told us to prepare to leave. This process that was supposed to be fast and efficient has really turned into quite a roller coaster ride for us.

Information I’ve gathered over the weekend from various email and Internet contacts tells me that delays have been more typical than not in the past six months or so. One reason is that more people in the region are adopting so there are not as many available children. This is a good thing and I applaud the people of Kostanai for caring for their own. However, what irks me is that in a matter of three days I’ve collected enough information solidifying the fact that a quick travel date for Kostanai is most unlikely for anyone in the process. Why then, I ask, have agencies not seemed to be aware of this slow down that seems so blatantly clear and why haven’t clients been better informed of the realities of wait times rather than given glimmers of false hopes that only serve to tug and pull at our emotions? Is there someone in Kazakhstan thinking that if they tell us our time is coming soon (even if it is not) the wait will be easier? Please, I’d rather be given the facts before being given false hope.

Believe me, I know everyone is trying to do their best in an ever changing adoption world; here and in Kazakhstan. (I really do believe this!) But, please…. I really feel as if we just need some clarity and kindness for the remainder of this journey.

At this point, we are truly discouraged and frankly feel like this is never going to happen. In a way, I feel like there has been a death in my family. It is so hard to describe. August as a LOI will probably become September and then October. Who knows what is real at this point. It will take me a little time to work through this and being back at school will truly help this wait to go faster. (I start on Tuesday.)

A few family members and friends have suggested a change in direction. Of important note: We are staying the course with Kostanai as we are first in line with our adoption agency. There are other couples before us from other agencies so the wait could be longer. Nevertheless, change is not an option at this point and would only put us back another year plus, no matter what venue we took. Patience will be our policy, however, if not with a little apathy! I just can’t keep getting excited only to be let down once again.

I’m OK talking about this and sympathy is always appreciated. Thankfully writing out my frustrations is very therapeutic. Luckily, the weather is now warmer. We have our summer to enjoy and look forward to spending time with family and friends. It WILL happen…just not when we were expecting. I guess the best way to think of it is that the child that is meant for us is still to come.