Deflated and Defeated

April 28, 2008 at 4:52 pm 5 comments

Since my last post on my blog I’ve had a chance to visit my sister in San Francisco. My next entry was going to about that trip but another change in our adoption process warrants a subject change.

My husband and I just got the news on Friday that our travel to Kostanai is being pushed back until late August. Talk about a heartbreak! My emotions are deflated and I truly feel defeated!

As you may or may not know from reading previous entries, we were assigned to this region at the end of February and were told (supposedly by officials in Kazakhstan) that we should prepare to travel by around March 24th. Once reaching that date we were told to hold off until the first or second week of April. Upon the arrival of April, the second week of May was then given as our new date. As of Friday, April 25th, our agency’s contact in Kaz said that we shouldn’t expect to get our LOI until August.

I’m sure you can understand the heartache attached with this news. Supposedly, they (Kaz) were not aware that they had so many people assigned to Kostanai and the Delphin Baby House and that it is “just not our turn”. I wish they had figured this out BEFORE they told us to prepare to leave. This process that was supposed to be fast and efficient has really turned into quite a roller coaster ride for us.

Information I’ve gathered over the weekend from various email and Internet contacts tells me that delays have been more typical than not in the past six months or so. One reason is that more people in the region are adopting so there are not as many available children. This is a good thing and I applaud the people of Kostanai for caring for their own. However, what irks me is that in a matter of three days I’ve collected enough information solidifying the fact that a quick travel date for Kostanai is most unlikely for anyone in the process. Why then, I ask, have agencies not seemed to be aware of this slow down that seems so blatantly clear and why haven’t clients been better informed of the realities of wait times rather than given glimmers of false hopes that only serve to tug and pull at our emotions? Is there someone in Kazakhstan thinking that if they tell us our time is coming soon (even if it is not) the wait will be easier? Please, I’d rather be given the facts before being given false hope.

Believe me, I know everyone is trying to do their best in an ever changing adoption world; here and in Kazakhstan. (I really do believe this!) But, please…. I really feel as if we just need some clarity and kindness for the remainder of this journey.

At this point, we are truly discouraged and frankly feel like this is never going to happen. In a way, I feel like there has been a death in my family. It is so hard to describe. August as a LOI will probably become September and then October. Who knows what is real at this point. It will take me a little time to work through this and being back at school will truly help this wait to go faster. (I start on Tuesday.)

A few family members and friends have suggested a change in direction. Of important note: We are staying the course with Kostanai as we are first in line with our adoption agency. There are other couples before us from other agencies so the wait could be longer. Nevertheless, change is not an option at this point and would only put us back another year plus, no matter what venue we took. Patience will be our policy, however, if not with a little apathy! I just can’t keep getting excited only to be let down once again.

I’m OK talking about this and sympathy is always appreciated. Thankfully writing out my frustrations is very therapeutic. Luckily, the weather is now warmer. We have our summer to enjoy and look forward to spending time with family and friends. It WILL happen…just not when we were expecting. I guess the best way to think of it is that the child that is meant for us is still to come.


Entry filed under: Kazakhstan Adoption. Tags: , , , , .

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5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Susan  |  April 28, 2008 at 6:36 pm

    I am so sorry. It is so hard, to be excited and expecting to travel, then, told, new dates taht are further and further away. The whole thing is so shrouded in secrecy too. I’m with you–just be up front, tell us what’s going on, and what to expect so we can plan our lives a lil better. I honestly dont ‘think their system is as organized as one would think. In just reading blogs and stuff on my own, I have counted seven families (and those are the only ones I know about, there could be more) ALL waiting for Kostanai. I don’t know when we’ll go.
    I’m glad you get to go back to work, that will help. I was so hoping we’d go this summer, since we have a rising 5th grader and to go over summer break would be a godsend. If we’re not going until August or later, then he starts school and that changes our whole game plan.

    I keep hoping Astana will open back up. The rumor is May-but that is also shrouded in secrecy. I would think there are more children available there since they’ve been “closed” to adoptions since Feb.

    Anyway-as one of the other waiting families, my heart goes out to you. We can’t throw the cards in-we have to wait and be positive and strong. Our future children need us. I am ready for the day we can all put this behind us.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family-and I’m at least glad we have each other. It seems to help me a lot because we truly do know how it feels.

    Warmest thoughts and hugs your way. I hope your weather warms up too. IT’s getting hot and humid here in Florida.

    Warm regards,
    Susan (also waiting for Kostanai)

  • 2. Chris and Tricia  |  April 28, 2008 at 10:22 pm

    Kelly and Doug,

    I am glad to hear that you are following your path and are not letting others sway you. It WILL happen even though it doesn’t feel like it at times. We have to have faith! Thinking of you. Tricia

  • 3. Sandi  |  April 29, 2008 at 1:40 am

    Kelly and Doug,
    Having travelled to Kostanai and having returned childless, the officials of Kostanai are not kidding when they say kids are just not available. I can definitely understand your heartache as mine started when I was assigned to the region Sept. ’07, I was told I would travel in Oct. then Nov. then January, received an LOI for January only to have it pulled 2 weeks prior to travel and reassigned for March 10. I travelled to Kaz and was faced with a child I was not able to adopt and NO OTHER children were available, so I came home.

    So when I say as much as it stinks it is so much better that you are delayed here, with your family and friends support and the ability to be able to go back to work and stay busy. If you need to talk please feel free to email me.

    My thoughts and prayers are with all of you during these trying times.


  • 4. Regina  |  May 1, 2008 at 11:51 pm

    So many of us can relate to your frustration. There are delays left and right. I also feel like I just want to know the truth. If it’s going to be 6 more months then tell me now. I can handle it if I know, but don’t string me along!

    I can’t help but wonder if there aren’t changes going on over there that we just don’t know about. Maybe an increase in the amount of time they have to be on the registry? I don’t know — it’s just a theory, but maybe it really is just that the demand has increased so much.

    We are expecting our LOI next week and so then expecting to travel within 3-4 days after we receive it. I’ve grown really excited and I believe it’s going to happen, but there is a tiny part of me that is holding back because it just seems like something will happen to steal it away from us. I really hope not.

    Take care, and try to enjoy the lovely spring weather.

  • 5. Mcmary  |  June 5, 2008 at 1:29 am

    I am so sorry about your unexpected delays ever since you received your region. I have understand your frustrations–I have been waiting many months and have no idea of when to expect to travel and my agency doesn’t either. It does seem that things have slowed down all over the country. I totally agree with you that there must be some way for agencies to be more upfront with us and be able to predict with a little more accuracy. When I started this process I thought I would be done by now–based on what the agency said about wait times but it seems like they have almost doubled in the time I have been waiting. What a hard process this is–I will pray for it to all work out for you and I ask for your prayer also.


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